Getting Going

It’s Sunday and that means it is sermon time. I am still preaching in Acts and today’s passage is found in Acts 9:32-35.

32As Peter traveled about the country, he went to visit the saints in Lydda. 33There he found a man named Aeneas, a paralytic who had been bedridden for eight years. 34"Aeneas," Peter said to him, "Jesus Christ heals you. Get up and take care of your mat." Immediately Aeneas got up. 35All those who lived in Lydda and Sharon saw him and turned to the Lord.

We see Peter and Aeneas in a life changing encounter. There were things that Aeneas had to do to step into the healing that Peter had offered. Her had to:

1. Get up
a. He had to choose to get up from the mat
b. There is an implied change of behavior, go and do differently


2. Get rid of what what was no longer needed
a. His mat was unnecessary
b. His mat was limiting


3. Get Healed
a. From lost to found
b. From brokenness to wholeness
c. From hurt to healed

Conclusion: It is time for us to get up, get rid of our mats and get healed. It is time for us to get changed, get positive and get energized. When we do, the world around us will never be the same.

Thought for Today
Getting requires going.
What are you getting and where are you going?

Drift Creek Falls

I went hiking today. What a wonderful day it has been. I packed a small pack, loaded up the sheep dog, met up with my friend Donna and we headed to Drift Creek Falls Trail. This is an easy hike with great scenery. It has a very fun suspension bridge over the gorge. In fact it is the longest suspension bridge in Oregon & Washington.

We were fortunate to have the trail to ourselves until after we had headed back. Charlie my sheepdog was disappointed though, she likes meeting lots of new friends on the trail. Personally I love the feeling of empty space around me and the quietness that can only be found far from roads and crowds of people.

On the way back we came across some very fresh scat on the trail. Donna asked, “Was that there on the way in?” “Nope” I replied. She then asked, “Is that from Charlie?” I shook my head and said, “No, not from Charlie that is not dog scat.” She was quiet for a moment and then said, “is it deer?” “No, it is not deer” I replied. She finally said, “Is it human?” That made me laugh and I finally choked out, “No, it is not human.” I could see the mental wheels turning and she was not liking the choices that were left. She finally said, “Bear?” I laughed and said, “Yep”. She looked at me incredulously and said, "But … but that means a bear was here after we walked by … just a few minutes ago … a bear?” I tried to not laugh but failed and laughingly said, Donna, that is kinda what bears do in the woods.” She stammered and stuttered for a while and then said, “And why do you know that?”

The laughter was good for my soul today. The sunshine, the beautiful scenery, the change of pace all refreshed and energized me. Today I am thankful for the beauty of God’s creation and the chance to let that beauty speak so clearly to my mind and heart.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men” Ecclesiastes 3:11

The world is bigger and better than my grief and sadness makes me think it is. There is love, laughter and the joy of God’s love to be found at every turn. I just need to take the time to look.

Just Connie

Tomorrow's Hike

Tomorrow I am going hiking. Tomorrow I am going HIKING!!! I am a little excited. It will be my first hike of the season. In fact it will be the first hike since my hiking buddy Debbie passed away.

I grew up hiking. My family’s property was blessed by being surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of acres of forest. We could hike to our hearts content. I was the oldest. I would organize all of the neighbor kids, pack lunches, gather all of the animals and we would hike. We would hike through the forest, down the canyons and through the streams. 6 kids, 2 dogs, 1 sheep and the pony. It was a real parade but we had so much fun.

For many years I did not hike. I am not sure why. I was busy, my spouse wasn’t interested … I just did not hike. But about 10 years ago Debbie and I fell in love with a picture of Punch Bowl Falls. We decided we were going to find it and hike there. It was our first real hike. After that we hiked almost every weekend. Then we began to backpack, snowshoe & cross country ski. It was a joy to be outside and to see country that most people never get a chance to see. In so many ways I felt that I had recovered a piece of myself that I had lost.

Tomorrow as I hike I will remember Debbie and the joy that we found in as we celebrated God’s creation together. I will let the wind blow the cobwebs of sadness away and let my soul be refreshed by the beauty around me.

“perfect in beauty, God shines forth” Psalm 50:2

I look forward to a whole lot of shining tomorrow.

Just Connie

More and Less

It is good to be home. I enjoy and appreciate all that I learn when I go to training conferences, but I have to admit that this was not one of my most successful trips. In fact there was both more and less than I was expecting in this trip.

The trip started out on a difficult note for me, when Gerrald wanted to meet with me. It grew to mountain like proportions when he stood me up and didn’t show up. That not only means that I didn’t see him and we did not get the opportunity to talk about the future, but it meant that there were no signed papers to bring home to file at the courthouse this week. You can read my blog for those 2-3 days and see my struggle to process that whole event, but I kept trying to focus on the conference and what I could learn from this.

Tuesday night, a group of us went out to dinner together. We rode a very crowded city bus. It was standing room only and we were wedged in there pretty tightly. One of my co-workers was talking on his cell phone, turned suddenly and planted his elbow on my cheekbone. My knees buckled, my eyes watered and I thought my face had just broken in half. I made it through dinner but I spent the rest of the evening with an ice pack on my face.

I got up the next morning and shrieked when I saw myself. I had a very impressive black eye. Nothing makes you feel like a beautiful woman as when you look like you have been taking a beating in a bar brawl. I slathered on the makeup and have been trying to laugh and make the best of it. People are sympathetic … well they try to be but eventually the laughter just bubbles out. I have to admit that it is pretty ridiculous. I am hoping that it will fade quickly in the next couple of days and the throb will lessen.

So I came home with no separation papers (less than I was expecting) and a black eye. (more than I was expecting). I do not know that I could have been prepared for either of these events. But I definitely think I need to learn how to duck.

“Fight the good fight of the faith” 1 Timothy 6:12

Just Connie

Travel Day Today

It is going to be a long busy day today. I have already been to the hotel gym and walked 2.5 miles on the treadmill. I am mostly cleaned up now and beginning to pack up everything. I will spend till 2:00 this afternoon in meetings, workshops and general sessions. Then I will grab a shuttle to the airport and catch my flight home. I will be picked up about 9:00pm by my daughter Joy. We will drive to Burlington pick up the animals, beg forgiveness for any “landscaping” that my sheepdog did while she was there and somehow communicate my deep and heartfelt thanks to my parents for helping me out. I will then drive to South Salem to drop my daughter off and head home to Willamina. I am hoping to be home before midnight. That might be wishful thinking, but it is my goal.

Wow! It really will be a long and busy day. But I think that is probably a good thing. It will keep me from brooding until the grief and hurt have eased. I know it is a process, but I have to say that I think the process stinks! I told God last night that I was sure that I could come up with a better plan. It is a good thing He loves me, I think sometimes I whine altogether too much. So my plan today can be found in Job.

“I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression and smile” Job 9:27

This will be a good day.

Just Connie

Conference Overload

I think my brain is on overload. The conference has been good, but as always they keep you very busy. Workshops, general sessions, meeting new people, vendors, new products and ideas …. I’m just trying to keep up with the frenetic pace that information is coming at me. I have attended training workshops for strategic planning, community relations, team building, evaluation, spiritual development ... well the list is much longer. It is a fire hose of information. I look forward to implementing some of what I learned and I just hope that I retain the important parts.

Through it all, I have been struggling with such a deep sense of sadness and loss. What I really want to do is to curl up on my bed and cry. This latest interaction with Gerrald has flooded me with a fresh sense of grief and the searing reality of the immensity of this loss. However, there is no time to grieve, I have meetings to attend and people to meet. I am forced to smile, be gracious and do my very best to pay attention.

But perhaps that is a good thing. It might be that I need to do less crying and more living, less grieving and more celebrating. But in honesty today I just want to cry. I am thankful that God loves me right where I am. He understands the hurt of my heart, and offers comfort and hope for a new tomorrow.

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you” Joshua 3:5

I am soooo ready for an amazing tomorrow. How come tomorrow’s can’t come today?

Just Connie

In God's Hands

Well … he did not have car problems or an accident. My husband just chose to not come. I have no idea why. I am sure there is some reason that makes sense to him that kept him home. The reality is that his choice left me sitting in the hotel lobby for two hours waiting for him. He didn’t even call. I was not even worth the time & consideration for a phone call. In fact he would not return any of my phone calls. I finally called his father this morning to make sure that he was okay. I found out that he was fine, everything was fine. He just chose to not come.

This event highlights the importance of our separation. Because the separation brings protection, safety and sanity back into my life. This latest event has put me back on an emotional rollercoaster. There is no safety to be found on this ride. I am fighting tears and I am mad at myself. How did I allow myself to get sucked into this? I should be able to just allow this to roll off me and be done with it. And yet it hurts so much and it feels like an all too familiar rejection.

You know, the truth is that I love him. I don’t trust him, I can’t depend on him, I can’t live with him … but I do love him. I need to let that love guide me through this seething morass of emotions. Because I love him, I need to seek God’s best for both of us. That doesn’t mean what makes me comfortable or fulfills my “needs & wants”. It means to walk with confident steps where God is asking me to go. Even when it takes me somewhere I think I do not want to go.

Sigh … I will put Gerrald in God’s hands. There is nothing I can do at this point but pray.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Romans 8:26

I do not have the words to express my hurt, my fears and my heart. I am glad that God knows regardless.

Just Connie

He Didn't Show

He didn’t show up. My husband never showed up for our scheduled meeting today. After all that stress & worry he didn't even show up or call. I am steamed, I am worried … I am confused.

I began calling after he was 30 minutes late. I called for 4 hours and have had no response. I honestly do not know what to think. Did he have car problems? Did he change his mind? Is he too drunk to come? It could be any of those things or none of those things.

I am surprised at how distressed I am about this. I am hoping that he is okay and there is a reasonable excuse to not show up and not call. I have found myself pacing the room and I am having trouble focusing on anything but the fact that he didn’t show up. I keep trying to step back form this emotionally, but I have to admit I am struggling.

So what now? I guess I need to remember that I cannot change Gerrald. I can only change myself. I do not think there is anything I can do about him not showing up. It is completely outside my control. But there is something I can do about how I am responding to it. I need to seek God’s heart and find peace right where I am at. Because this turmoil is eating away at me and I cannot lose heart and focus. Regardless of what kept Gerrald, God has peace for me this evening.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body” Proverbs 14:30

It is time for peace. God’s grace is enough for me, God’s grace is enough for me …. God’s grace is enough for me. I choose life.

Just Connie

Seeing Gerrald

Well, my stomach is in knots and I am suddenly dreading my trip tomorrow. My husband just called. He has signed the separation papers, had them notarized and wants to meet me in Denver tomorrow to give them to me.

I find myself in an emotional maelstrom. Thoughts and feelings are swirling around me and I am having trouble sorting out exactly what I am feeling. I am nervous, scared, excited and sad all at the same time.

I am excited to see Gerrald and see the changes he has undergone since he has left. I care deeply about him and I want him to succeed and grow. I want him to find himself right where God wants him and discover the freedom and joy that obedience and growth brings.

I am nervous. I am nervous that I am excited to see him. I am having such trouble drawing healthy boundaries. We cannot do what we have been doing for the last 10 years. It is not helping him or me and it is not honoring to God. Every time Gerrald goes on a downward drinking spiral, the anger and the violence are a little deeper and a little bit worse than before.

I am scared that my loneliness and sadness will override what I think is good and right. I need to stand strong and help guide us both through this shifting ground. I need to not let my emotions take over.

I am sad. I am sad that I find myself at this place once again. I have been here too often and the pain I am experiencing feels altogether too familiar. I am sad that love was not enough for us. I am sad that I was not able to help Gerrald stay sober. I am sad over the loss of my husband, partner and friend.

I do not know what the etiquette is for this situation. I guess all I can do is to continue to pray for wisdom, be kind and loving and stand strong right where God has put me. I am not sure that I can do this thing. … No, I am certain that I cannot do this thing. I can only lean on Christ and let Him do this.

“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him and He will do this” Psalm 37:5

I can do this … I can do this … I can do this. …. I think.

Just Connie

Getting Ready to Go

I am frantically trying to get ready to leave for Colorado to go to a training Conference. This is the span of time before departure when everything is piling up and I do not know how to get it all done before I leave.

I got home from work today to find new bunkers dug in the back yard. I love my dogs, I love my dogs, I love my dogs ….Sigh …..I was filling in what I could when the neighbor boys showed up and asked if I wanted to hire them to cut the lawn. I almost wept in relief. So they began the very hard job of mowing very long grass and I shoveled dirt. When I had scraped as much dirt as I could find back in the holes, I grabbed the very dirty and happy dog, tied her to the garage and began to make her a much cleaner and unhappy dog by hosing her down. (Thank you Lord for the warm beautiful day). I scrubbed and scrubbed and rinsed and rinsed and finally had removed as much muck as I could. Then I had a very wet and unhappy dog that I tied up on the front porch.

With that done I have been cleaning house, changing Bubba’s litter box, laying out extra food and water to tide him over while I am gone and a hundred other tasks. Now I have to pack, do wash and clean out my car.

Sometimes I wonder if the trip is worth the pain of preparing to go. But I know that not only will this conference give me opportunity to be challenged by inspiring speakers, and hone my skills, it will also offer the chance to connect with other Mission minded people who love to serve.

That is probably one of the best things about the conference. Sometimes I think I learn more from other Mission workers than I do from the speakers and workshops. I want my heart to be open and my mind to be sharp.

“The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life” Proverbs 13:14

So I will wade through the fountain with the wisdom I am given. I will take with me a thirst to learn and a desire to connect. It should be an interesting trip. ….hhmmm ….. you know there is an ancient Asian curse that says, “May you live in interesting times.” …… so perhaps I’ll hope it won’t be too interesting. I will let you know.

Just Connie

A Busy Day

Today was a full and busy day. I drove to Portland to find the specialty paper we needed for a couple of the projects I am working on. Then I drove back to Salem to finish up the day and the things I could wrap up.

I also spent some time today just enjoying people at the Mission. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I find that I do not often take the time to sit, let them know I care and listen. I think the time I spend with other employees, building bridges and trust is a valuable and important part of the job I do at the Mission.

After work I met my daughter Joy who had just had some dental work. I took her shopping quickly before her Novocain wore off. I was able to buy her a couple of dresses and some accessories. I so enjoy the time I am able to spend with her. She is delightful and I am so thankful for the relationship we are building together. I will miss her dreadfully when she heads down to Eugene in a couple of months. But I will not focus on that, I will just enjoy the time I have to spend with her.

It was 8:00 before I got home, I had cookies to bake for a friend who is having a birthday tomorrow, dogs to corral, dinner to make and of course cookie dough to eat.

Saturday I have to be packed up and ready to head to my parents so that I can fly out of Portland early Sunday morning. So that means I have packing to do, house cleaning to finish, a lawn to mow, and animals who will need to have baths and arrangements made before I can go. It will be a very busy couple of days ahead of me. That is not necessarily a bad thing. It will help me to stay focused on the task at hand and to not brood about the things in my life that I cannot change or that I do not like.

In so many ways the struggle I have is to accept where I am, find joy in the moment and to grow through the experience. I think I could do with more joy and less experience … but I will accept it as it is. Today I choose acceptance and hope. I think it will be the foundation for the lessons I will learn tomorrow.

“Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long” Psalm 25:5

Just Connie

Unexpected Moments

Last night one of the little neighborhood boys invited me to go bike riding with him. I had not had my bike off the ceiling hooks since I moved to Willamina 5 years ago. My first thought was, “Hey that sounds like fun”. Then I remembered that I live on a road called Hill Drive. Guess what? It is one giant hill! Not bad going down but coming up … well the very thought put dread in my heart. But I did not want to be thought of as “no fun” or “an “old woman”, so of course I said yes. I thought about ripping my tongue out of my head after I said it, but I gamely headed out to the shed to get my bike.

The first obstacle was getting to my bike which was hanging from the ceiling of the shed. I am 4’11 inches of strong capable woman ... which leads us to the second obstacle, that was about 12 inches too short to get to the bike. So I stacked boxes, flower pots and anything I thought would bear my weight and gingerly began to climb up to the hanging bike. As the stack wobbled and shifted, I began to wonder if this was really a very good idea? I had just reached up towards the bike, when the whole stack went. I found out that the hooks were sturdy enough to hold the bike and me from the ceiling. Luckily, my little friend came to the rescue and between the two of us, and a lot of sweat and frustration, we were able to get the bicycle down off of the hooks.

I wheeled the bike out and no surprise … (obstacle number three) it had two very flat tires. So I pushed the bike to his house to see if we could pump the tires up with his pump. Unfortunately he lives at the top of Hill Drive. (obstacle number four) By the time I got there I was already beat. So he and I pumped the tires up and we rode our bikes together.

I had soooo much fun. It was exhilarating and wonderful. I had strong doubts that I would be able to get out of bed this morning, but I was so glad that I went and so glad he asked. Sometimes it is easy to let all of the reasons why not to do something win out. But I think it is important to reach beyond what is comfortable and easy.

Last night was a reminder to me, I need to take the time to play, to stretch beyond my normal routine and get up and get moving. It is good to find joy in the unexpected moments and in unexpected ways. I need to recognize them as the gift from God they are. Now If I could just find someone to push me and the bike back up the hill ….

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy” Psalm 30:11

Just Connie

Tomorrow's Hope

In just two weeks it will be 6 months since the very fabric of my life was blown apart. It has been a time of sorrow, adjustment and growth. None of those things are very comfortable to wade through. I cannot say that I have appreciated the experience, but I have to recognize that it has strengthened me in many ways.

I think that strength will be needed in the months ahead. I am trying hard to stay focused and to not let my grief and loneliness overwhelm me. I am amazed at times at how hard it still is for me. At other times, I am amazed at how quickly these last 6 months have gone by.

I want so much to rise above it all and to put the pain behind me. But I do not think there are any shortcuts through this. Unfortunately I have a feeling that the process of healing is more about the process itself than the end result.

“we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” Romans 5:3-4

The reality is that life is often messy, unpredictable and downright painful. But good things happen when we persevere through the pain. This is a character building process and the process itself brings hope. So for today I choose to persevere knowing that tomorrow will bring new hope.

Just Connie

The Good & Beautiful

Over the past months I have opportunity to live life beyond my circumstances. To be honest there is a lot to my present circumstances that I do not like. Some of it is so painful, it still takes my breath away as I am faced with the daily reality of where I am. Some of it still grieves me as I struggle to come to grips with the loss of those that I love. Some of it brings a smile and a deep joy as I reflect on what God has accomplished through these difficult days. In truth it is a mixture of the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

I am trying to focus on the good and the beautiful and not the bad and the ugly, I do not think that I always do that successfully. It is so easy to see what I do not like, or what I feel like I am failing at and feel overwhelmed or so emotionally drained that I never really focus on the positive. So today I am going to list some of the things that are positive and beautiful in my life.

1. My relationship with God
2. My daughter Joy & my son Tony
3. My Mom & Dad
4. Ministry
5. My pets
6. Friends who love me
7. Opportunities for leadership
8. My job
9. My extended family
10. The community I live in
11. Good health & a strong body
12. A mostly sharp mind
13. Financial stability
14. A safe living situation
15. Gorgeous outdoor opportunities
16. A home of my own
17. Reliable transportation
(10 years old & 180,000 miles but still going strong)
18. Educational opportunities
19. The Free Methodists
20. Facebook & the chance to connect with friends.

God is good and He surrounds me with evidence of His love and care every day. I just need to stop and take the time to see it. This is a place I need to linger in and savor every day.

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4

Just Connie

From Rabbi to Preacher; Saul to Paul

Today’s sermon identifies some of the traits that took Saul to Paul or from Rabbi to preacher.

Acts 9:19-31
Saul spent several days with the disciples in Damascus. 20At once he began to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. 21All those who heard him were astonished and asked, "Isn't he the man who raised havoc in Jerusalem among those who call on this name? And hasn't he come here to take them as prisoners to the chief priests?" 22Yet Saul grew more and more powerful and baffled the Jews living in Damascus by proving that Jesus is the Christ.[a]
23After many days had gone by, the Jews conspired to kill him, 24but Saul learned of their plan. Day and night they kept close watch on the city gates in order to kill him. 25But his followers took him by night and lowered him in a basket through an opening in the wall.
26When he came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. 27But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus. 28So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord. 29He talked and debated with the Grecian Jews, but they tried to kill him. 30When the brothers learned of this, they took him down to Caesarea and sent him off to Tarsus.
31Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samaria enjoyed a time of peace. It was strengthened; and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it grew in numbers, living in the fear of the Lord.

Paul’s encounter with Christ on the Damascus road was remarkable, but it is truly in the weeks following his conversion that we see the transformational power of Christ at work in his life. Let’s take a look at four traits or actions that we can see in Paul.

1. Telling his faith
a. He was preaching in the synagogues.
b. He was proving the Jesus is the Christ.

2. Trying his faith.
a. he was day by day living in Christ.
b. day by day testing the reality of Christ

3. Trusting his faith
a. Even when people did not believe in him.
b. Even when people sought to harm him.

4. Taking his faith
a. Wherever God took him.
b. However god took him.

The reality is that Paul grew by leaps and bounds because he was changed that day on the Damascus road. Even more he lived that change every day of his life. Everything he was and everything he did was to share the reality of Christ that he had found in his own life.

In our lives what would be different if we lived like that? If we lived like we really believe in the life changing reality of an indwelling Christ? We have the opportunity to find out. dare to live like you believe and watch the world change around you.

Thought For Today
Where will you allow your faith to take you?

False Guilt

I think I am still fighting the last lingering effects of the virus battle. I have spent the entire day sleeping. It is a beautiful sunny day and I had so much on my list to get done today. Instead I have spent it curled up on my bed with dogs. It is 8:00 at night now and I am just beginning to think about my undone “to do” list.

Sigh … I guess I should not be feeling so guilty. Sometimes it is just hard to keep all the balls I am juggling up in the air. This virus has really impacted my ability to keep it all going. I try to tell myself that it is not the end of the world, but I have to admit that I do not like having things in disarray. I want to feel more on top of things than this. I feel guilty regardless. Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty.

“let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water” Hebrews 10:22

The bottom line is that these undone tasks are not wrong, they are just an outcome of how I am feeling. This is self imposed guilt, not true guilt for wrong doing. So tonight I reject that false guilt and I will continue to let my body heal as I prepare my heart and head for tomorrow’s services. As always God’s grace will do the job if I will just allow it.

Crying & Laughing

I had lunch with a beautiful woman today. She and I have known each other for a couple of years but we had not had the chance to get to know each other very well. We realized in casual conversation a couple of months ago that we were both experiencing significant upheavals in our lives. I had no idea that she was struggling to find her way through challenging and difficult circumstances and she was unaware of what was going on in my own life.

The realization that we were both facing problems gave us the opportunity to carve out some time to spend together. I am so thankful to have a reason for us to connect. I think we will have a lot to share in the months ahead as we both search for the way through. She is a vibrant testimony of God’s grace in action and I am thankful for the chance to strengthen each other.

It is a reminder for me that so often the smiles on the outside hide deep pain on the inside. I am a firm believer in finding laughter in the midst of the battle. In fact when she asked me how I was doing today, I told her “crying and laughing”. But I think sometimes I tend to use humor as a shield so that others will not know how badly I am hurting. I think that is okay to a point, but I need to identify safe people that I can fully be “me” with. Likewise I want to make sure that I am a safe person for other people to be who they really are, right where they are. I guess one of the best gifts we can give each other … is to fully grow into the people that God created us to be.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ” Ephesians 4:15

Just Connie

Getting Through

It has been a busy day. I am beginning to feel better and it is not quite so hard to make it through the day. Physically that is … mentally I am still trying to process everything. The news about the upcoming arrival of my first grandchild has still got me reeling.

I got a wonderful note from my Aunt today. She has walked this same road with one of her children and knows the mixture of conflicting emotions that I am being assailed by. It was so encouraging to reflect on her journey and how the family gathered round and loved and supported each other and how well her daughter is doing today. She also reminded me what a joy that unexpected and unplanned grandchild has been to her. Her reminder means so much to me and it reminds me of what a difference time and perspective can bring.

The reality is that God will bring me through this. He will enable me to be what I need to be. He will give me the courage, the wisdom and the perspective that will be needed in the days ahead. I ….. just need to love. That is a job I can handle.

“Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs” Proverbs 10:12

Just Connie

Stunning News

I am sitting here stunned. No I think I am past stunned. I got some news today that I am not even sure how to process. I am a mass of seething emotions and I am trying to sort it all out and not having too much luck.

My son is living in Moses Lake Washington. In January a girl (Stephanie) moved in with him. I have never met her. Tonight he called and told me she is pregnant. When I could suck breath into my lungs again, I finally asked him how he felt about that. He said that he was shocked at first but now he was glad. He went on to talk about how far long she was … but my mind was reeling. It was hard to focus on what he was saying. All I could think of was “This guy can hardly take care of himself. How can he care for a wife and baby?” But I think I choked out some acceptable phrases. I was finally able to tell him that I thought he had it in him to be a good father.

As I hung up, I was flooded with a sense of sadness. This was not how I pictured becoming a grandmother. I thought there would be a wedding, a sense of family, the gradual getting to knowing of a daughter in law. I am not sure of how we all relate together. I think this will be a step by step process and there is no clear path through it.

I think that I will have to put my pastoral face on, swallow my emotions and just love the three of them. I guess as a mother that is my job after all. I cannot make their choices, but I can love and support them to the best of my ability.

“A wise man's heart guides his mouth” Proverbs 16:23

Just Connie

The Committee

One of the things I have missed over the past 10 years has been the intellectual stimulation of other pastors and theologians. It has been a joy to me over the last year to be part of a fellowship of fellow pastors and enjoy the stimulation of their thinking, their lives and their ministries.

Tonight I met with a new committee. It is made of up Free Methodist pastors from across the Oregon Conference. We were to look at the strategy and goals of our conference over the next 10 years or so. I was thrilled to hear the vision of other pastors as we talked over everything from equipping and resourcing pastors, to training the leadership of tomorrow, to church planting.

It will be exciting to see how God begins to meld this committee together as we begin to truly know and trust each other in the weeks to come. I think there is a lot of work ahead of us as we begin to dream big dreams and follow God’s vision for the future He is calling us to.

“The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled” Ezekiel 12:23

To be part of a group like this is an incredible privilege. I am grateful for the chance to enlarge my own vision and be challenged in my own ministry and life as I grow with other leaders. I believe that there are great things ahead.

Just Connie

The Virus Battle

Well I am still fighting this virus. I went to work and started off the day pretty well. By midday my head was pounding, my body was aching and all I could think about was crawling back into bed. I finally called it quits and came home.

So here I am, stuffed with cold medicines trying to think past my fuzzy brain. I am not sure that I am doing that successfully.

I find that I have little patience for this struggle with illness. My work is piling up, my house is a mess and all I can do is sleep. I am past ready to be done with this.
I guess at this point there is not much I can do other than to continue to sleep and accomplish what I can. Tomorrow is another day.

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5

Tomorrow …. I am soooo ready for something amazing.

Just Connie

Serving & Obeying

This is Sunday and that means it is time for today’s sermon. I am still preaching through the book of Acts. Today we are looking at the story of Paul’s encounter with Christ on the road to Damascus.

1Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest 2and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. 3As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"
5"Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked.
"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," he replied. 6"Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."
7The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 8Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 9For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.
10In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!" "Yes, Lord," he answered.
11The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight."
13"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. 14And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name."
15But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. 16I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
17Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." 18Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

This is a pivotal moment in New Testament history and most commonly we look at Paul, but today I would like to take a closer look at Ananias. In his life we see some patterns of behavior that are important.

1. He was a disciple.
a. He had accepted Christ
b. He followed Christ’s teaching
c. He was a praying man

2. He listened
a. He stilled himself long enough to listen
b. he was interactive, he asked questions

3. He obeyed
a. He obeyed when he did not agree
b. He obeyed when he did not understand

Because of Ananias’ obedience the world was changed. He was just a simple man doing what he was called to do. Serving to the best of his ability. It is what Christ calls all of us to. Just to serve and be obedient to the next step He is laying in front of us.

Thought for Today
Changing my world starts with changing me

Just Connie

My Mother

My mother is an incredible woman. She married her high school sweetheart right out of high school. She told me once that all she wanted to be when she grew up was a wife and mother. She raised three very different and independent girls. We rode motorcycles, we hunted, we played ball … we were athletes. My mother was not, but she allowed us to grow and develop into who we were. She also faithfully drove us to every game, every activity and smiled throughout it.

My father played American League fast pitch and our summers were spent at the ball field. Weekends were spent at ball tournaments. Through it all my mom was supportive and fun. She kept score; she rode herd on all three of us and continued to encourage us in all of our endeavors.

In high school my mom was the one that the other girls went to for advice and help. She was a safe haven in the midst of a difficult and crazy world. She went to every game, every activity and every play or concert. She was always there and always supportive.

In the tough times of my life she has always been there. She has cried with me, laughed with me and always encouraged me to be more than I am. I know that she loves me without hesitation and will move heaven and earth to support me.

I cannot say enough in tribute to the amazing woman that she is. I am so grateful for all that she is and all that she has contributed to make me who I am today. She is more than my mother, she is my friend.

“Her children arise and call her blessed” Proverbs 31:28

Mother's Day Thoughts

Mother’s Day is coming and that always makes me introspective. Mother’s Day brings so many emotions welling up within me. Grief and loss, happiness and joy … mingled together. Sometimes it is hard to sort out exactly what I am feeling and to know what it is I am experiencing. This year with so many emotions already swirling around me I find that I would like to sleep through Mother’s Day.

I lost three babies as a young woman and ended up having a hysterectomy at age 23. It was a time of great pain and turmoil for me as I came to grips with the certain knowledge that I was childless and would never have children. To my amazement, I was able to adopt two beautiful children just days after their birth. Over the years I have loved them, disciplined them, encouraged them, cried and laughed with them and sorrowed over them. In other words I was a mother.

Our culture makes a big deal out of this one day that seeks to honor those who mother. I believe that this day is for more than just those who give birth. I think that every woman has something to celebrate on Mother’s Day because every woman will be called on to nurture and mother someone. It might be small children or teens or a young adult, it might be an aging parent that you mother. But the gift of love and service is worthy of recognition.

So for me and all the other women who mother not from the”fruit of our wombs” but from the fruit of our hearts, I say let’s celebrate.

"May the LORD make you increase, both you and your children" Psalm 115:14

Just Connie

Sick Day 2

Another day spent home in bed. This is a real annoyance to me. I have things to do and people to see. I actually got up this morning and dressed and then went back to bed. My head hurts and I am soooo tired. I do not know when I have slept like this. Probably not since the last time I was sick. I don’t like this. I am ready for this to be done.

“A man's spirit sustains him in sickness” Proverbs 18:14

Sigh … I guess it is still time to rest and wait. I am not always so good at waiting. I want to be doing something to make it better… to move it ahead. But as in so much of life there is value in the process. Healing will come in its own time.

So for now the dogs and I will continue to curl up together and rest. At least they are happy about it.

Just Connie

Sick Day

Sick …. it is really all in my head. Unfortunately it is all in my head. I think my head is getting ready to explode. I have been fighting a virus for two weeks. Today the virus is winning. I actually took a very rare sick day and stayed home in bed. I have spent the day sleeping watching reruns and doing nothing productive.

It is a reminder for me that sometimes the world needs to stop. The meetings, the planning, the writing, the flurry of daytime activity can all be postponed for now. This is a time to let this bug run its course and just rest.

“The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness” Psalm 41:3

Just Connie

Prayer Day

Today was a day of prayer for me. The Free Methodists Pastors met together for a prayer summit. Today was good for me and it stretched me in many ways. Our facilitator for the day challenged us to long periods of silence so we could listen for God’s voice. That means to be quiet inside and out. No talking, focused thinking … listening … quiet.

Silence has never been one of my strong suits. My mother has often told me that they were worried because I talked late, but once I started, I never shut up. I still like to fill the silences up. I usually have music going or the TV, there is something going on all of the time. But today we were challenged to just quiet ourselves. We were given two scriptures to meditate on and just listen.

I found that it takes great concentration to listen. I had a tendency to drift off and begin to think of things to pray for, or things I needed to do, it was challenging to just quiet myself. But eventually in the stillness I could feel God’s touch. It was an incredibly affirming moment. And in that moment I was warmed by the knowledge that I am doing what God wants me to do. I just need to keep moving ahead.

So I will try to just keep going in the direction I am headed. I will also try to still myself more often. I need to hear God’s voice now more than ever.

"Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

Just Connie

The Conversation

I had an important conversation yesterday. It was an uncomfortable conversation …. no it was a painful conversation, but very important. Someone shared some information with me that was emotionally explosive. They had carried such hurt and anger for so long and I had no idea. When the bomb went off, I was stunned and shocked. I am very glad they were able to share what they were feeling, had been feeling. I think it was positive and healthy that they trusted me enough to tell me the truth. I think that it is a gift.

But this gift has cast me into such turmoil. I keep running it over and over in my head. No matter how I twist and turn it .... it just sits there squat and ugly. I do not like what I see. My heart hurts and to be honest I feel like a total failure for the way that I let them down without ever realizing it. How could I have been so blind?

I am trying to make this a teachable moment for me. I think I have something I can learn in this right now. But I will not be able to learn if I am consumed with grief and regret.

"Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong” Job 6:24

I think I need to look at the “now” more than the “past”. To focus on what I can learn and not on what I did imperfectly. I am going to have to work harder.

Just Connie

Seeking, Finding, Experiencing

It's Sunday ... and that means I share my sermon from this morning. I am preaching through the book of Acts today we are in Acts 8:26-40

26Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, "Go south to the road—the desert road—that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." 27So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians. This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship, 28and on his way home was sitting in his chariot reading the book of Isaiah the prophet. 29The Spirit told Philip, "Go to that chariot and stay near it."
30Then Philip ran up to the chariot and heard the man reading Isaiah the prophet. "Do you understand what you are reading?" Philip asked.
31"How can I," he said, "unless someone explains it to me?" So he invited Philip to come up and sit with him.
32The eunuch was reading this passage of Scripture: "He was led like a sheep to the slaughter, and as a lamb before the shearer is silent, so he did not open his mouth. 33In his humiliation he was deprived of justice. Who can speak of his descendants? For his life was taken from the earth."
34The eunuch asked Philip, "Tell me, please, who is the prophet talking about, himself or someone else?" 35Then Philip began with that very passage of Scripture and told him the good news about Jesus.
36As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, "Look, here is water. Why shouldn't I be baptized?" 38And he gave orders to stop the chariot. Then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and Philip baptized him. 39When they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord suddenly took Philip away, and the eunuch did not see him again, but went on his way rejoicing. 40Philip, however, appeared at Azotus and traveled about, preaching the gospel in all the towns until he reached Caesarea.


This week we see Phillip being obedient and following the desert road. There, he found an Ethiopian eunuch reading scripture by the side of the road in his chariot. This account give us some reminders to guide us in our daily living.

1. Seek and you shall find
a. The Ethiopian was involved in worship
b. The Ethiopian was reading scripture
c. The Ethiopian had an attitude of learning


2. Find and you shall be freed to experience
a. Freed to experience holiness
b. Freed to experience service to others
c. Freed to experience love and being loved


3. Experience and you will receive blessings
a. Find peace in the midst of the storm
b. Find joy in the midst of sorrow
c. Find strength when you are weak
d. Find knowledge when you have no answers
e. Find your potential in Christ

So many of us do live in the fullness of Christ. Imagine how our loves would be different if we were to seek Christ, find the fullness of His presence and experience the joy and freedom of a Christ centered, sanctified life.

Thought for Today
Seeking, Finding, Being
(it really is that easy)

Just Connie

A Gift of Joy

My daughter is here tonight. That makes this a very good day. I have so much fun with her and I am so proud of her. She is growing into a wonderful young woman. She is truly growing into her name, “Joy”. She certainly brings joy to me. But then I am a proud momma and fairly prejudiced.

She is a math major with outstanding grades. I tested in the top 25% in my math grades and math is an integral part of my job, but I have to tell you that the math I know bears no resemblance to the work that she is doing in college. She will tell me about something and I will just go “huh?” It is hard for me to even realize that it is actually math they are talking about. Recently she was accepted at University of Oregon. She will begin there in the fall as a sophomore. I will really miss her when she moves to Eugene. I am planning to make the most of the time we have together before she leaves.

I have always felt that Joy was a special gift to me. I adopted her when she was just 5 days old. Over the years as she has grown and developed I have been so grateful for the time I have had as her mother.

I am fortunate to be a mother, blessed to have been entrusted children to love and care for. I look forward to discovering who my children will grow into as adults. I will continue to pray that God will guide them, bless them abundantly and they will walk in grace and knowledge all the days of the lives.

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 3:18

The gift of Joy is one that I can never repay, but I can pray faithfully for her. I can also live my life freely, joyfully and lovingly in Christ. I guess that is a gift I can give her every day.

Just Connie

Unexpected Friends

Friendship is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it comes from such unexpected sources. Real friendship always enriches us and encourages us to be better… to be authentic …. to be more than we can be on our own. I have been blessed to have some unlikely people in my life who have become real friends.

One of those unexpected friends is a sometimes homeless man who was brain damaged in a skiing accident. He has trouble putting words together to speak at times. But he writes beautiful poetry and music. Today he sent me the following poem in honor of my friend Debbie who recently went home to be with the Lord. He was missing her warmth and friendship and thought of sharing it with me.

Beyond the sky
Beyond all telling
Our Father Himself
will be our light
His arms will hold us
And with His hand
He'll wipe away the tears
that stain our eyes
Clay Doyle

His friendship has often warmed my heart and brightened my day. There have been others that have surprised me at unexpected moments. Recently I had a casual conversation with someone and we both realized that we were both experiencing similar problems in our personal lives. We had respected and liked each other, but always smiled our assurances that we were fine. The reality is that for both of us, our lives had blown up around us. I have a feeling that in the months to come, God will begin to knit our hearts together as we get to know each other in new ways…. in more honest ways.

Every day I think I value friendships more and I mourn those I have lost over time. I am beginning to realize how rare it is to have people who love you, people who pray faithfully for you, people that will stand beside you when life gets tough.

More than anything I want to be that kind of friend to those around me. I want to be authentic, open, accepting and loving. I want to encourage them to grow and learn and find new depth in Christ.

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

I guess it will take everything I am ….. but I think that is a good thing.

Just Connie