Rejection

Rejection is a familiar enemy to me. Because of my life experiences I know that it is an especially tender point for me. Sometimes I find myself walking cautiously because of my fear of rejection. Sometimes it springs on me  when I least expect it.

I came home from women's retreat yesterday tired, but peaceful. I curled up on the couch with my laptop and  began to scroll through all the news and updates from the weekend. As I scrolled though, a photo suddenly jumped out at me and I gasped in shock. That photo told a story I did not want to hear. A story of a choice that not only  was not "for me", but completely and absolutely excluded me.

I sat there stunned as the tears rolled down my face. The hurt welled up and made me want to wail in agony. As I struggled to rein in the hurt, I searched for a reason, an explanation ... and I found none.

As I have worked to come to grips with this today I have to say that the hurt of this still takes my breath away. It is an ever present ache as I move through the day. I would love to find a way to turn off the pain, but I know that what I am feeling is important. I think there is value in feeling the feelings. There are things that I can learn even in this.

I just wish .... it did not hurt so much.

Just Connie