I am laying in a dark room. I feel fuzzy, exhausted, a bit nauseous and my intestinal system is screaming for help. Today was the first day of the increased treatment. It went fairly smoothly until the moment I woke up throwing up. That was not a good way to end the treatment, but it really got my attention in a hurry.
I have been faithfully taking my post treatment drugs, hoping to stay on top of the side effects. I am not as sick as I was a couple of weeks ago when my pump malfunctioned, but it is definitely more side effects than I usually have been having. So I texted my family doctor to keep him in the loop, and went back to bed. I am hoping to sleep off the worse of the side effects.
I am praying for no side effects, that my immune numbers will jump up over the next four weeks and that physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will be follow God as I journey through this. It's is different when you are caving a potentially deadly disease by yourself. And though I have wonderful doctors, incredible loving friends ... The reality is that I do this treatment by myself. When I started throwing up, I had to decide whether I was going to need intervention and help. I have a tendency to usually error on the side of "I can tough this out". Luckily I can text my dicey or or one of my paramedic friends and got some perspective.
So for today, I am taking it as it comes. With the good, the bad and the ridiculous ... Hopefully every piece of this is bring new life and new hope for my future. I choose to embrace it and be thankful. I am learning so much on this journey. Treatment number 2 is on Wednesday, who knows what I will learn ....
Just Connie
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