Surprised by Hurt

I was surprised by hurt today. The kind of hurt that takes your breath away and causes your eyes to fill with instant tears. The kind of hurt that grips your heart and squeezes tight.

It began with with an e-mail from my ex-father-in-law. It is not unusual to hear from him, he is a great guy and I love him. I opened the e-mail with anticipation. Anticipation that turned into a wail when I realized what I was looking at. Photos .... photos of my husband and I happy and together. Photos of him sober and loving. Photos of us when I thought that our marriage would last forever.

I sat there and looked at "us". I was stricken once again with how much I had lost, how much had been snatched away. We were so good together and so in love. What a horrible rotten terrible crummy ending to something that started so good.

I am surprised by this hurt, surprised by the tears it brought. I really thought I was farther along than this. I was hoping I was farther along than this. I want to be farther along than this.

This was a surprise I could have done without.