I have such a clear picture of my wedding day. The sun was bright, the Fall air was crisp, the wind gently tugged on my veil and I can still remember making eye contact with my soon to be husband waiting for me under the archway. It was a perfect day and I can remember thinking that life was everything I had prayed for.
Today I met with a court clerk to go over all the paperwork for a legal separation. I cried through the entire appointment. In a few days the papers will be filed and the two month separation will be an indefinite legal reality.
I find that I am overwhelmed with a sense of failure and grief. Grief at the senseless loss of something wonderful. A sense of failure that I cannot fix this. It is completely out of my hands. Nothing I do will change this. The decision is out of my hands.
So how do I face this grief that is so paralyzing? 2 Corinthians 7:10 says this:
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
It reminds me that I need to strive to stay focused. Not on my sorrow or my loss, but on Christ. This grief can destroy me or it can strengthen me. That is a choice that is within my power to make.
Just Connie
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