Several years ago, God brought me to the Free Methodist Church. I came in hesitantly with a lot of hurt beneath the surface. To my surprise I was welcomed and treated as if I had something to offer. Over the months I was thrilled to have opportunity to preach and then to teach. I could feel the hurt of rejection begin to fade as God opened up new doors for me.
In the months since then miraculous and heart breaking things have happened. I am now pastoring a Free Methodist Church in Gladstone. I am loving the challenge and the opportunity to preach. I believe that being a pastor is the best and hardest job in the world. But I am loving it and it has been a balm to my heart to be doing what I love.
In just two weeks I will meet with the board who is basically a credentials committee. They will examine my theology, my spiritual life and my call to ministry. I am also expecting that they will examine my personal life. I am nervous. My history at this point tells me to be nervous. Last time my husband left I was told “that for all intents and purposes I was of no further use to the Church of the Nazarene.” That rejection hung around me for 10 long years like a shroud. But over the last 4 years I have felt myself coming alive again. It has been a joy and a miracle. Now it all hangs in the balance Will Gerrald’s choices pull me out of ministry? Those choices have already cost me so much.
I don’t know. I recognize that it might. But it might not. And I guess when it comes right down to it, it will be up to God. If He wants me to continue in ministry then I will. I need to lay it down and trust in God’s sovereignty. I guess it is an act of faith. I am finding that living a life of faith is not always comfortable. But regardless of my comfort level, I still choose faith. My choice, my will.
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