Resolved

When I came back to my house several months ago after being gone a month and a half, I had prepared myself for some tough jobs. The first one was to scrub and scrub and scrub the house. That wasn’t too bad, just necessary. Then I had two tasks that I did not want to do, but I knew that I had to. The first one was to pack up the things that my husband had left and put them away. I tried very hard to make it clinical and to emotionally step back from the task at hand, but every belonging brought back a flood of memories and a fresh longing in my heart. The last task which I dreaded and had done before was to check around the house and grounds for alcohol, both empty and full. Last time he left, I filled garbage bags with the bottles, cans and stuff I found in every imaginable nook and cranny. Over the years I had gotten pretty good at checking those spots for confirmation of his drinking when I needed to. But it was always a horrible and heartbreaking task.

This time when I tackled the “alcohol sweep” it really went as well as could be expected. Some of the major stashes had nothing in them and it looked like he had actually made a good faith effort to clean them up before he left. I think that it is one of the reasons why finding those bottles yesterday has hit me so hard. It was an unexpected (but oh so familiar) slap with the reality of living with an alcoholic. I was hurt, I was confused and I was grieved. But today I am resolved.

• I am resolved to living a life without fear. I choose to live in the freedom and joy of Christ.
• I am resolved to live with out shame. I will live with my head held high as I live in Christ’s holiness.
• I am resolved to keep learning and growing day by day.
• I am resolved to love lavishly. What better affirmation of the reality of Christ than to choose to love?
  
  “For I resolved to know nothing… except Jesus Christ and him crucified” 1 Corinthians 2:2

Today I am resolved. These resolutions can change my life if I will carry them into all my tomorrows as well.

Just Connie