This is Not Forever

There are so many reasons why God never wanted us to incorporate divorce into our marriages. But yet He knew that when sin enters in and the covenant between husband and wife is broken, sometimes there is no choice. But still it was never what God dreamed for us as husband and wife.

I am often reminded of how incredibly painful divorce is, but never so keenly as around the holidays. First of all, both of my marriages blew up around the holidays. In fact 15 years ago today I was handed a letter and then my husband sailed off to his brand new life. But secondly, the issue of children and celebrating the holidays becomes incredibly messy. Somehow over the years my husband seemed to gain custody of all holidays. I have worked hard to be a good sport and just let the kids do what they want to do. It seems counter productive to manipulate or pressure them into spending time with me when they would rather be somewhere else. But I am finding that some years it is more painful than others.

I have worked hard to try to not sit and mope on the holidays. I strive to make sure that I invite myself to someone's house or go and spend it with my family when I can. Some years it just does not seem to work out that way. It looks like this year is going to be one of those kind of years ... and to be honest that makes me incredibly sad. Sad that I am alone, sad that the kids are not with me, sad that I am not with my family .... just sad.

I am aware that this is not a "forever" feeling. The sadness will pass and life will go on. And I also think there are things I can learn right here at this point of sadness. I am willing to find the lesson in this.

I just wish it was not quite so painful ....

Just Connie