I am mad, I am sad and I am frustrated. I left work early today to drive to the Polk County courthouse to file the next set of papers for the legal separation. I handed in the signed acceptance of service from my husband and was ready to turn in the next set of paperwork to finalize this process. They looked at the signed papers and said, “You cannot file for 30 days”. I was stunned. It seems that Gerrald did not date the papers the day he was served the separation papers, but instead dated it the day he finally got it notarized.
I find that I am really mad. To the best of my ability I have been patient and kind and have given him space at every turn. For 6 months I have held off some of the steps as he has asked. But now, at this point he delays it needlessly yet another month? I want to scream and shout and stomp my feet, but instead I just sit here and cry. And that makes me even madder.
I am sad that this relationship, that had everything going for it, was thrown away for nothing. I am sad for all the lies, the fear, the brokenness and the sheer immensity of this loss. I am sad for the waste of something rare and wonderful. I am sad, lonely and so discouraged tonight.
I am frustrated. I want to be finished with this. I am tired of hurting; I am tired of this struggle. I want this to be done. I want to stop crying.
I guess at this point I really do not have many options. I have to either move forward or give up. I will not give up. I cannot give up. I will not go back to the fear and lies. But my heart hurts and I feel weary to my very bones. It is hard to see beyond the hurt and discouragement.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
That is God’s promise to me. Tonight I will seek His face and His rest. I will choose to trust in that promise even though I do not feel the reality in my heart right now. I choose to move ahead in faith until my heart catches up with what my mind knows. God knows my hurt and God knows my heart, He will see me through this.
Just Connie
1 comment:
I am sorry that you had another set back with your separation. I follow you religiously (no pun intended) in hopes that you can have the separation go through and you can move on to something good. Hope you are feeling alittle bit better tonight than earlier when you posted. Take care. Oh I enjoyed your racoon story from the other night. It made me laugh! I also was wondering what your neighbors might have been thinking :)
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