I began my new ministerial assignment today. It was so good to be at the Willamina Church. Everyone seemed happy to see me and excited to have me there. What a blessing to be with people who love me. It warmed my heart and made me feel very welcome.
It was a very relaxed morning. My biggest responsibility was to report on the conference and my ordination. It felt good to sit back and let someone else drive for the day. It was a wonderful time of worship.
The only downside was that people were asking about my husband Gerrald. I wanted to weep and wail. I finally just told people that asked that we were separated. Gerrald … that is a hurt I have been pushing away for 3 days.
I got official notice when I got home yesterday. We are now legally separated. It was final on Thursday. I am very glad to have that hurdle behind me. I am thankful for the protection that this separation brings. I spoke to Gerrald on Thursday and he got very angry with me. In fact when I quietly told him that if he was going to yell at me I was going to say goodbye, he hung up on me. I cried for hours. It really highlighted how important this separation is. The reality is that his anger frightens me and that makes me so incredibly sad.
I will not live in fear any longer. I will no longer live in the emotional turmoil that his drinking and his volatile responses. I choose to live without shame and secrets and fear. I am trying hard to keep that in front of me so that it will help give me perspective.
I realize that there will be ups and downs in the days ahead. There will be struggle and heartache, but there will also be joys and triumphs. I guess that is what life is really all about. I am confident that I do not walk this path alone.
“Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” Isaiah 51:11
Today had joy and sorrow however I choose to focus on the joy. I will let the joy chase the sorrow away.
Just Connie
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