I did a stupid thing today. I did not set out to do something stupid but it was stupid non-the-less. I had an afternoon of running errands. Jumping back in the Rav 4 from my last stop, I backed out of my parking spot and "crunch". Looking in disbelief ... it was true..... I had just backed into a van.
There is nothing so humbling as stepping into a crowded office and saying, "Excuse me but I have just backed into someones van." I could feel the angry tears trembling just under the surface. I was able to hold it together long enough to exchange information. But as the other car drove away the tears began. I felt so .... so ... well stupid. I picked up my cell phone and called my insurance company and started the claim.
But as I drove slowly home I kept a running conversation with myself, "I can't believe I did something so stupid" ... "Stop beating yourself up, it was a mistake" ... "I can't believe I did something so stupid" ... etc, etc .... I the midst of my self condemnation I finally stopped and quieted myself. Taking a deep breath I said, "Lord I am letting it go. It is yours". And every time it has come to mind I am choosing to say the same thing.
I wonder why it is so easy to beat myself up when I make a mistake and why it is so hard to let myself be less than perfect? I would be the first person to say that I am not perfect, but yet ..... I think I have this underlying expectation of myself that I must be.
So tonight I am letting myself be less than perfect, to acknowledge a failure and to stand straight and confident in that acknowledgement. I guess when you really come right down to it, this was not so much a stupid thing, as it was a life thing. And I guess that living life is okay.
Just Connie
1 comment:
You really are an inspiration to me Connie. I would have been a puddle of confusion by the time I had to face the other person! You ought to be very proud of yourself for winning the self-argument and refusing to believe the lie that you did a stupid thing! yay you!
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