I am so FRUSTRATED! I feel like stomping, crying angry ... kind of frustrated. I have been working very hard to stay on top of things this Christmas. I am decorating, shopping, planning get-togethers ... really doing my best to rebuild a new life. Tonight I tried to put the Christmas tree in the stand. it would not fit. I hacked and hacked until I finally got it in, but was totally unable to make it stand up. I worked and worked on it and finally sat there and cried in frustration.
I hate being alone, I hate trying to make things work that are impossible. I hate pretending that it is all okay. This is not okay. It is not okay to be trying to do Christmas by myself. It is not okay ... it just is not.
I keep telling myself that I have to make it work. I have to find a way to make the tree fit and stand up. I have no choice. I am by myself and I have to adjust. I have to learn how to do these things, I have to learn to cope with it.
But in honesty, I am whipped. The tree has won ..... unless I decide to decorate it laying on it's side?
Just Connie
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