Here I sit at the end of a very long day looking back on what has happened. There was good news and other news. I refuse to look at any of it today as bad news. It was news that informed us and that is okay.
Dad continues to make some improvement. He was moved out of ICU tonight and moved into an intermediary care room. It is amazing how good overall he is doing. His blood pressure has stabilized, his incision on his head looks wonderful and all his tubes and wires were busy doing what they were designed to do.
On the plus side, he has had all of the wires removed from his head. Now he only has his feeding tube (he cannot swallow) and the tube that is draining excess fluid from his surgical area where the massive hematoma was. I expect that to be removed at any time now. He is also obviously responsive. To people visiting, to nurses, he told mom today that he loved her. You could understand what he said. It was incredible. I also clearly heard him say yes tonight. Those small victories are worth celebrating.
On the “other” side, he still cannot communicate and that really frustrates him. I noticed that by tonight he was trying less to speak. I am hoping that the therapist tomorrow will give us some guidance to know how to go. This is all new ground for me and I know that it is for mom as well.
Also on the other side is my response to his frustration. I found myself feeling hurt when I was pushed or gestured away. I know that he does not mean it. It is totally out of character for him. It is a sign of the massive brain trauma he has undergone. I need to let it go like water off a duck’s back. My mantra needs to be “this is not about me. This is not about me. This is not about me” I also worry about how mom is will hold up to this. Because in so many ways this is not the husband she knows lying in that bed. It does not mean that she loves him any less; it just means that she will often be surprised by his responses. I guess we will both have a lot to learn in the weeks ahead.
So tomorrow, we will get up and head back to the hospital and deal with the day as it unfolds. One day at a time ….. just one day at a time. Really that is all any of us have to work with.
“No man has power over the wind to contain it ; so no one has power over the day of his death.” Ecclesiastes 8:8
Just Connie
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