Today was challenging, heartbreaking and just plain hard. Dad was agitated and very unhappy. He seemed to have lost a lot of ground today. We spent most of the day trying to hold him down and keep him in bed. Even though he was in restraints, he kept wiggling out of them. Nothing we said made any difference and we told him over and over he was in the hospital and could not get out of bed.
Holding him down only made him angrier. I was pushed away many times and one time even backhanded. That was so shocking that it was hard to process. My father is one of the gentlest men I have ever known. It is so out of character and so alien to who he is and how he treats his daughters. And it just broke my heart. I spent much of the day, holding his hands down and crying while I did it.
But what really did me in is when the muscle cramps began in his legs tonight. I was already exhausted from a long hard day. Dad would moan and writhe on the bed in such horrible pain. I ran to get a nurse and some medication for him, but I could not stand to see him in such pain. I just wanted to somehow find a way to make it better for him. It was dreadful to be so helpless.
My mother has been incredible through this. It is hard and she just keeps going and takes it as it comes. She has every doubt and fear that I have faced and she stands strong. She is a living testament to God’s grace in action. I am trying hard to run interference and take some of the stress from her, but I do not think I am doing that well.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will get up with renewed energy and fresh hope to meet the day. I am very thankful for a God that never runs out of energy, wisdom, peace or love and has the grace to dispense them to His people. I have never needed them more.
“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope” 2 Thessalonians 2:16
Just Connie
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