There are times when fresh reminders of all that I have lost in the past 12 years rip the healing wounds wide open. Today was one of those days. It was no one's fault in particular ... it just kind of happened. I found myself blindsided by information that I did not really want to have. Information that brought a fresh pain to old hurts.
I suddenly felt like an outsider. I felt alone and unimportant. I understood all of the reasons why I was feeling that, but it did not make me feel any better. It hurt and it still hurts as I think about it.
This is one of those things that there really is no fix for it, I just have to get through it. I am finding that tonight I do not feel much like getting through it. I am tired of the hurt and tired of rejection, tired of being alone. But regardless of how I feel, this is where I am.
So tonight I lift my head up and say, "Lord, I hurt. My heart is lonely, I feel the sting of rejection and the humiliation of loneliness. I am weary. Weary of hurting, weary of tears, weary of being alone. Help me in my hurt. Help me to see you and to feel you. "
"You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God" Psalm 51:17
Just Connie
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