There are experiences and hurts in all of our backgrounds that remain tender. There are wounds that are slow to heal and wounds that are easily reinjured. For me one of those tender spots is rejection. The worse thing I can think of is to be unloved …. to be left alone …. to be rejected.
I can still see in my mind’s eye the night my husband of 21 years came home and handed me a letter and left. Those moments are forever etched in my memory. The despair that engulfed me in the months following still grips me at times. It is the same despair that has assailed me when my daughter left home, the same despair when Gerrald left yet again. Rejected … unwanted … unlovable….
Most times those hurts are healing and easily forgotten. But there are times that the wound is opened and the hurt flows from it fresh and strong. The past 8 months I have worked hard to heal the wounds and to see past my personal history and experiences, the wound is there healing, but tender.
Today that wound was ripped open. I was surprised with how quickly it happened and how all the old feelings of rejection welled up. Unwanted … useless … unloved …. unlovable … all of those emotions pounded at me. I tried to raise myself beyond the feelings, but all I could do is cry.
I keep prodding at this hurt trying to find the edges of the wound so it can be cleansed and healed. But all I find is pain.
I keep reminding myself that God loves me, I have friends who love me and I have family that love me. I am not unloved or unlovable, but yet the hurt is still there. So tonight I acknowledge the pain. It is there, but I will not let it defeat me. God is bigger than my hurt.
“My God is so great, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing my God cannot do.” (children’s song)
I will grow past this and tomorrow is a new day.
Just Connie
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