I found the holidays .... well I guess challenging is the best way I can put it. I struggled to find balance in the midst of the pain and loneliness. Everything felt a bit "off" to me. Not quite right ... different. There were also things that I decided to not face at all. Things like Christmas decorations. Too many memories ... too fresh and I found myself not ready to begin to create new traditions yet again. So the Christmas decorations stayed safely in the attic where they will lay in wait for me next year.
I worked hard to find joy in the small moments throughout Christmas. I enjoyed friendships, I found ways to celebrate with my family. I threw myself into ministry and study and I strove to not wallow in the hurt.
I am done with a year of painful firsts. Does that mean that the pain is magically gone? Sigh ... no ... it would be nice, but the process of healing continues. I am still carefully examining the wounds and trying to learn from the hurt. It is a challenging process, in fact it is a painful process. But I think that this process will teach me a lot about myself, will give me new understanding of God's grace and will bring light and peace to this path that I am on.
"We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield" Psalm 33:20
Walking in hope and learning.
Just Connie
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