I got a letter from my husband today. I opened the letter with anticipation and dread. I had no idea what to expect from it. I kept telling myself to not expect too much, too soon.
The letter was positive and optimistic. That was good to hear. It also spoke clearly of his desire to live for Christ, one day at a time. That is what I wanted to hear more than anything. I am thrilled that he is growing and learning. He also stated that he is till sorting things out. I think that is a very good thing as well.
As I sat down and framed a reply, I found that I was really struggling to say the right things. Things that would not give the wrong impression or imply a future that will not happen. There is so much water under the bridge. In fact it is an immense flood of abandonment, lies, abuse and heartache.
Tonight I will try to keep the right balance. I will rejoice for Gerrald’s new found sobriety and his walk with Christ. I will also keep in mind that this does not erase the past. That past stretches as a vast gulf between us. That really saddens me. I do not see the possibility of a bridge across the past at this point.
I do not trust in me, but I trust in God. I will not walk where I want to walk, but I choose to walk the path God is calling me to. I will look beyond what I have lost and focus on what I have gained. This is not the end.
“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths” Psalm 25:4
Just Connie
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