Here we are in the last day of 2009. I have to admit that I will not be sorry to see the last of it 2009 has been a life changing year for me. Some of it good and welcome but much of it heartbreaking and sad.
2009 began with a sober recovering husband who suddenly within days was not recovering any more. That frightening realization sent me fleeing for safety. Over the next month it became evident that my husband had no remorse and no desire to be sober. Within a month he had packed and left for parts unknown. Leaving me in a situation that had become all too familiar over the years.
During that same time, my beloved grandmother went into the hospital. I would spend the night in Burlington, drive to Salem and work all day and then drive to the hospital in Portland and spend the evening sitting with my grandmother in her hospital room. Her unexpected passing several weeks later was a stunning blow to me. But I will forever be thankful for the circumstances that made it necessary to stay with her the last month and a half of her life. In that situation I could see God's hand bringing good out of the ashes of despair.
Just two weeks later my best friend and hiking partner, Debbie passed away from cancer. Her passing was a release from a body that had been ravaged by cancer. I was both heart broken at how fast the cancer claimed her, yet I was glad that her suffering was not prolonged. I am thankful for the time I was able to spend with her everyday of her last couple of weeks of life.
Just days after the passing of my friend, my mother's best friend , Marilyn who was my second mother and friend died through assisted suicide. I was so sad that she felt she was out of options and suicide was the only reasonable answer for her. I am thankful that she called me her last day of life to tell me she loved me. How I wished I could have made it different for her.
Over the next couple of months I tried to keep my head above water while facing the grief and changes of my new reality. I was further saddened at the closing of the church I had pastored for the past year but kept trying to look ahead certain of God's hand and sovereighty.
In June I realized a dream when I was ordained by the Free Methodists. In June I was also laid off from my full time job at the Mission. Suddenly my life was very different yet again. But I was assigned to the Willamina Xhurch that I had come to love over the years.
Over the summer months I looked for full time work and settled into my new church assignment. I found the grief sapped me of energy and drive. But with God's help I felt I was still moving forward.
In August my strong, independent father went through open heart surgery. Since my schedule was flexible I helped in any way that mom and dad needed me through those weeks of recovery. Everything was looking good until a catastrophic fall in October caused a massive brain injury. I was thankful for his survival but grieved over the life changing nature of the injury. Once again I was thankful for a flexible schedule so I could be available to help. God's hand again providing before I even knew I was going to need it.
Over Thanksgiving and Christmas I found myself assailed anew by grief and loneliness that comes with my newly altered life. I fought to find even ground to stand on as I faced family time with no family around me. All I can say is that I made it through.
Though 2009 has been a personally devastating year, I have had constant assurance of God's goodness and strength. I am beginning this new year with absolute faith of God's faithfulness to me. I believe that there are good things in store for me. 2010 is an unwritten page. I pray that the story I write will glorify God and encourage others as we minister together.
"God, whom I serve with my whole heart in preaching the gospel of His Son" Romans 1:9
Just Connie
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