I am thinking tonight. I have been told that I think too much. Usually I do not see my thinking as a bad thing. I think self reflection helps keep me on track and helps uncover things I need to work to improve.
But sometimes my thinking goes in circles and by the end of the day I feel like I have painted myself into a corner. So tonight I am going to try to put some of my “thoughts” in some kind of order that will make sense.
9 years ago today, I married Gerrald with hope, love and belief in what we could build together in Christ. We had everything going for us. But he made choices that were both self destructive and destructive to our marriage relationship. He abandoned me, lied to me, stole from me and terrified me. I also realize that I cannot stop his drinking. I am not responsible for his drinking.
I grieve for the loss of what we could have had. But I have to face the fact his choices make a future together impossible for us. That reality is impossible to ignore. It is past time to look at it squarely and honestly.
My future stretches before me and I wish that it was different. But it is… what it is. I need to find the strength to meet it with grace and humor.
“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” 2 Samuel 22:33
That is a good reminder ... I am not doing this alone. It will be okay.
Just Connie
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